Up on the Roof

I was reading this great book of essays by Alice Steinbach. One of them was on the subject of romance. She had asked several of her friends to give her examples of their most romantic moment. The answers were really interesting. They ranged from trite, as in "He gazed into my eyes and I heard music" to very simple, as in "He came in and kissed me while I had a mouthful of toothpaste". It got me to thinking about how our definitions of romance change over the course of our lives.

My little one in third grade would be very embarrassed if you mentioned the word "romance", but I can tell you what her definition of it would be. She places a lot of importance on P.E class and takes a lot of pride in coming in 1st, 2nd or 3rd in everything. When the little boy she has had a crush on for a year says "Good Job"...this is thrilling.

Now the boy in sixth grade has a different take on it. Many in his class have already started "going out", whatever this means (and I haven't quite figured it out yet). However, he hasn't crossed that bridge yet. His idea of romance would be an e-mail from a particular girl that says something like "Good luck at your game" or " How'd you do on that test?" ...The boy still has very low expectations...

When I was in high school, my boyfriend took flying lessons. Everyday after school when I would get off the bus (yeah, I rode the bus..it's a different world, isn't it?) , he would fly over my house and tip his wings.The husband is now rolling his eyes saying "What a cheeseball", but I though it was pretty neat. We have already established that I am not a big talker...so to me, this "said" a lot.

Fast-forward several years...and I am going out with the husband. I remember we were going somewhere in the car one day. We were riding along in companionable silence when that Alison Krauss song "You Say it Best When You say Nothing At All" came on. The husband, or rather the boyfriend, looks over at me and says, "This song reminds me of you. It's why I like you." At the time, I thought that was the most romantic thing I had ever heard. It felt like he really understood me and appreciated me. Now we were kind of laughing about that the other day, because these days, if he said that song reminded him of me, it would mean literally that "I say it best when I say NOTHING at all"...It's all about perspective, isn't it?

The husband proposed to me on top of his roof. The house was built so that you could climb up there and have a terrific view of the neighborhood. He set a up video camera, and took me up there supposedly to "see some birds". Little did I know he was going to ask me to marry him and have it on film. Very romantic....but there is one little hitch to this story...

A few months earlier, I had been over at his house on a Saturday afternoon. It was a beautiful day and we were working in his yard. I especially enjoyed this because I was living in a small apartment with my two little girls at the time, and having a yard to work in was a real treat. I had planted a whole section of wild flowers in the back, and I had climbed up on the roof with the hose because they were easier to water from there. I remember kind of savoring the moment, when all of the sudden, the boyfriend comes running around from the front of the house, uncharacteristically animated, yelling "Get Down, get Down!!", waving his arms like a maniac. I had no idea what was going on, so I did what I was told...I laid down on the roof. A few moments later, I heard voices...the boyfriend, a girl and an older lady. It was very strained and polite conversation, though I couldn't make out much. I leaned over just far enough so that I could see them, but they couldn't see me. This required a lot of effort on the roof...any wrong movement and I would roll off the edge. When I finally got a glimpse, I realized that it was the ex-girlfriend. Now the only reason I knew this was that I remembered seeing a picture of her in his house on our first date...At the time, I thought it was his sister...which is the subject for a whole different
blog. This was the girl that he now referred to as "psycho------". Now I was pretty sure that was an overstatement, but I was unwilling to test the waters. This visit was obviously a "I'm returning everything you ever gave me" visit, with mom along to make you feel really guilty.

You know how sometimes you go through several stages of denial on things? Well...I did. First, I was really angry. I mean, how dare he ask me to "Get Down"? Why not just be polite and introduce me like adults? Here I was lying down on the roof of a house in some kind of covert "Operation Be Quiet". After several minutes, I started laughing. I mean, I could hear a little of the conversation, and the boyfriend was obviously trying to get rid of them. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. If you forgot about the fact that I was lying on a roof, it was really funny. And finally, I hit the stage of "agreement", as in, it's exactly what he should have done. There were two possibilities of how that meeting could have gone...one was awkward...and one was mean...and by the way the conversation was going....mean seemed more likely.

Finally mom and "Psycho"(his words, not mine) leave. The boyfriend climbs up on the roof and lays down beside me. "Look, it would have been ugly. Just no need. Sorry." I don't remember what I said. I might have milked it for a few more minutes...I mean, I probably had a premonition that it was one of the few times in our relationship that I would have the "power". But what I do remember was laughing together and then going on with our beautiful day....So now you understand that even though the proposal was romantic....it could never compete with our most "romantic roof moment".

The little one got in the car from school the other day and said "Mommy, ------ (insert name of crush) looked at me in art class and made his fingers in the sign of a heart and then pointed at me. What does that mean?"......Pretty darn romantic.....

So until tomorrow, when I will continue to remember that romance is not always what we expect...