"I Taught Jenny How to Cimb. And She Taught Me How to Dangle"

"So much of our time is spent in preparation, so much in routine, and so much in retrospect, that the amount of each person's genius is confined to a very few hours." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read this quote yesterday and it really bothered me. A friend and I were discussing the pros and cons of being "confined" to a routine. She felt that her routine makes her more productive. If she steps out of her day-to-day pattern, she loses momentum and direction. I can understand this mindset. I also like my routine. My husband has always found my propensity for routine funny. There are certain aspects of my day that I like to remain the same. I don't see myself as inflexible, but on the other hand, there is a certain security that comes with sameness.

Every morning I do basically the same thing, but I don't mean in a "Ground Hog Day" kind of way. I set my alarm early so that I have at least 30 minutes before I hear any other little voices. I need that time to think. I feed the animals, two cats and a dog, who also like their routine. They are always waiting impatiently for me when I open the door to go outside. If I am even 15 minutes late, the cats start meowing loudly. The dog, being 13, doesn't bother to get up, but I swear she gives me a "look" if I am late. Then I make coffee, pack lunch boxes and make breakfast. This leaves me with exactly 15 minutes to turn on my computer and check my mail. Now the morning routine is dependent on the night-time routine. I make sure to have everything set out and ready. Coffee maker is ready to turn on, lunch boxes are laid out...etc. I make the kids lay out clothes and pack book bags the night before. The husband is now laughing because he finds this all kind of crazy, but then he doesn't have to work around everyone else's schedule. He is on his own agenda. He sets his own alarm, and then blames me when he doesn't get up. Unfortunately, I have nobody but myself to blame if things go awry in the morning. It all depends on me, which sounds a bit arrogant and martyred...but hey, it's my story.

I notice that the kids have inherited my tendencies. We talk very little in the morning. It is all a well-oiled machine. I knock on the boy's door at 7:00. He dresses and comes down, sits in his chair and watches ESPN until we go. If I have bagels and cream cheese, he eats. If not, he passes. Little one dresses, comes down, eats chocolate chip pancakes, watches the cartoon "Arthur", brushes her hair...and tries to hide her hearing aids. At 7:25, we walk out the door. If for some reason this changes, they are upset. The other day I was running behind. I had to dress up for an appointment before we left which caused departure time to be 7:28...which we had to discuss all the way to school....

"...routine is the momentum that keeps a man going. If you wait for inspiration you'll be standing on the corner after the parade is a mile down the street..."
Is this true? I don't know. I find that when I am writing, it is best to just DO IT. If I wait around for the earth to move or for grand inspiration to be bestowed upon me, I may just be waiting all day. It is absolutely amazing the ridiculous things I can pretend need to be done while waiting for inspiration. However, if i just sit down and start writing, it may not be Pulitzer-worthy, but I move along.

"Habit is the beneficient harness of routine which enables silly men to live respectfully and unhappy men to live calmly"...
And therein lies the trap of security, right? There is some kind of calmness in the routine of life that is comforting. The last few years of my life have been full of sadness. I have lost 3 people that I adored. I think when that happened, my tendency has been to cling tighter and tighter to my routine. Somehow psychologically, just waking up and doing the same thing everyday helps you to move on. You don't have to think...you just do. And little by little, every day becomes easier. The problem is, routine does not allow you to grow. "As long as a habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge..." Well, I need my soul to emerge. And I want my children's soul to emerge....and so...

Starting today, I will change it up a bit. Less routine and more life. I'm changing the music I listen to when I write. I'm moving to a different room. I'm talking to different people...and all of that is good, because I read somewhere that "A day merely survived is no cause for celebration". In the movie Forrest Gump, which is still on every time I turn on the TV, Forrest says "I taught Jenny to climb, but she taught me to dangle." Well, I know how to climb, but I need to dangle a little more.

So until tomorrow, when the day will be different, but maybe different is good...