"Here a question arises-whether it is better to be loved than feared, or the reverse."

Among the responses to yesterday's blog were two in particular that I wanted address before moving on with today's subject. To the person who felt like the conversation this week had "definitely sunk to a low level" , just a reminder that this is a daily blog of my life, not the thesis for my doctorate or my submission for the Nobel Peace prize in literature. Every morning, after I take the kids to school, I give myself 32 minutes to complete the blog before I start on an article or pretend to work on my novel. The subject matter generally follows what is happening in my life. For better or worse, my life is probably more Disney Channel than PBS, more ESPN than CNN, so please judge accordingly.

As for the person who said "I enjoy your sarcasm with my morning coffee", it is hardly ever my intention to be sarcastic. I do try to strike an ironic tone, because my life teeters on the edge of chaos and dysfunction (like most people?) So I appreciate what I think was meant as a compliment, but just wanted to tweak the premise......Now on with today's subject.....

I was meant to be packing for the beach last night, but was met at every turn with distractions. My 6th grade son has a major science test today, and for the first time this year, I kind of left it up to him to prepare for it. Over the last few years, due to the difficulty of his school and his questionable study habits, I have interjected myself pretty deeply into his nightly routine.We normally start reviewing about a week prior to any science test. Let me re-phrase that. I start reviewing and he makes a grand show of turning down the sound on ESPN to listen to me. Last month the chapter was on reproduction. If you remember 6th grade science, this is "the big one." You know, when they separate the boys and the girls and give you the real "facts of life" whether you want to know them or not. Prior to this chapter, my husband had supposedly given Matt "the talk", so I figured the reproductive chapter would be a breeze. I was sadly mistaken. During our review (which he rebelled against because "this is so gross to talk about with your mom"), it became clear that dad's talk had been more about slang words and male bonding than any sort of factual information. He ended up with a B on the test, and I still worry about his lack of understanding on the subject.
This month's chapter is on the elements and I am essentially clueless on the subject. I begged and pleaded with him all week long to study, only to be met with sighs and grimaces. Finally, I threatened to take away his beloved "24" program if he makes below a B. Therein lies the problem.

Do you remember reading Machaivelli's "The Prince" in college? Remember the treatise where he discusses whether one should prefer to be feared or loved? Isn't that the grand question in daily discipline with kids? Do I want to be loved or feared? In a work environment, it's a whole different dynamic. In my previous life, when I managed people and not children, I generally chose fear, because love didn't get any work done. But with your kids, it is so hard to feel disliked, even if it for the "greater cause." When Matt is mad at me because I make him study, I go to bed sad, but a deeper voice tells me it is for his own good. If I let him off the hook, he goes to bed telling me how great I am, but I go to bed guilty, knowing deep down that I have taken the easy road, and somehow let him down.

I guess there are no easy answers when you are raising your kids. Some days I discipline with love, and some days I do it with fear. Either way, there is also a lot of praying and crossing of fingers that goes on too. I'm hoping Matt winds up with at least a B on his science test, mainly because I want him to do well. But also because I look forward to watching "24" with him every Monday night. I'll let you know how it turns out...

As I mentioned earlier, next week I'll be blogging from the beach. For those of you who tell me that you like to read it with your morning coffee, you might have to push it back to your mid-day diet coke or your evening glass of wine, because I'll hopefully be writing later in the day...

And for those wondering about the subject matter next week, I'm thinking "Bikinis vs One Pieces...the real story"............until next week