"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis

A very good friend e-mailed me the other day and said she that even though we haven't seen each other in awhile, she was keeping up with me through my blog. I smiled to myself when I read that, because every few days, she sends me a two sentence response to what I have written. It either makes me laugh or nod in agreement. I met her several years ago at our children's preschool. I had just moved to a small town from Atlanta. She had just moved there from L.A. We had both been working full time and were now staying home with our kids. The first time I met her, I knew that I had made a friend for life, and that is very unusual for me.



I have a tendency to be a little closed off and private. At the end of my first year of college, my room mate said "I can't believe how little I know you after spending the year with you." I, on the other hand, knew everything there was to know about her. The first day I met her, she walked into the dorm room, laid down on the floor and began to roll back and forth on her back. I didn't know how to react, so I just continued to tack my posters up on the wall. Finally she said, " I've had a gas problem all day. Need some relief." (I apologize for the crude reference, but it really says it all, right?) And thus began our relationship, which to me is one of the great lessons learned in college dorms. You learn to get along with all sorts of people. I was 16 at the time, having graduated from high school early. As one might imagine, coming from the most over-protective parents in the world and starting college a couple of years early, my freshman year was a true eye opener. I grew up very quickly. But the most important lesson was that my way was not the only way or necessarily the right way. My room mate and I were different as night and day, but she was vivacious and fun, and watching her do her thing day after day helped me to loosen up a bit. I don't know if she learned anything from me, but we developed an easygoing and comfortable relationship.



The next main friendship I made was years later after my 2 older girls were born. I was living in an apartment and I had walked up to get the mail. I saw a girl with two small boys playing outside. I knew immediately that she was french. (She and the boys were dressed very European). Having majored in french in college, I was intrigued, and I very uncharacteristically approached her. She spoke very little english at the time, so we spoke mainly "franglais". Over the course of the next few years, we became the very best of friends. She was extremely smart and athletic. She challenged me to be a better person in almost every area. We played raquetball every week, and she always beat me. She cooked very french gourmet meals on a budget, while my cooking skills were basic to say the least. She started a french literature book club (you can imagine what that group was like) and picked very obscure, esoteric novels to read that were way over my head. When I hinted that the group might be "above my head", she said "work harder, you need to develop your mind." She never made or listened to any excuses. Our friendship had a very interesting dynamic to it. She was definitely the "leader". Years later, after she had moved back to Paris, her life took some difficult turns. I visited her there while I was working one year, and I thought maybe things would be a little different. But the first thing she said when she saw me was "I thought you would have cut your hair by now." I laughed and knew that all was well. She was still the same person.



Looking back, I find it interesting the things that define our friendships. When we are young, they are mostly defined by our environment. Someone who lives near us in our neighborhood. Someone who is in the same class at school or on the same team. As we get older, they may be people we work with or parents of our children. But however our environment pushes us together, the qualities that we aspire to in ourselves are usually the ones that our friends possess. I admire kindness, humor and passion. If I can have a good laugh with someone, I am immediately drawn to them. When I see kindness, I want to be around it. And when I see someone passionate about life, I want to be part of it.



My friend who e-mailed me about the blog that I first spoke of has all of those qualities. She always has a kind word and an open ear. She is always searching for new passions in life. And best of all, she makes me laugh whenever I am with her.



In the end, it is these friendships that make life easier and brighter.



So until tomorrow, when I will be thinking of my friends near and far...