They're Playing My Song (I Wish)

I heard some really disappointing news this morning on the radio. The last few years, American Idol has held a songwriting competition. Near the end of every season, song writers are invited to submit songs that will be considered for the finale. You know the song, the one that the winner sings after he or she wins. This is the first song that they actually get to record. Last year, for David Cook, it was "The Time of My Life". I don't remember many of the others. Kelly Clarkson's was "A Moment Like This", but I only remember that because I still listen to that CD while I run. Taylor Hicks's song was "Do I Make You Proud?" which was not a submission, but written for him by professional writers. I actually liked the song, but most people didn't, especially after Weird Al Yankovich fashioned a rip-off copy entitled "Do I Creep You Out?"

Anyway, this year, they have decided to let the new judge Kara DioGuardi write the song. Now don't get me wrong, she is a really good songwriter and she has written hit songs for everyone from Kelly Clarkson to Ashley Simpson to Faith Hill. But I had already written half my song! I was determined to win this year. Two years ago, I wrote and recorded a pretty decent song called "The Journey is the Prize". I sang and played the piano and recorded it on my computer. (This says a lot about the quality of the recording, doesn't it?) Factor that in with the kids running in and out yelling, and the dog barking in the background, and..well, you get the picture.

But honestly, and I am embarrassed to admit this...I actually thought I had a shot. The lyrics were compelling, the melody was catchy...all in all, deep down, I thought I could be the winner. There were to be 10 finalists, and then America would listen to all of them and vote. Ryan Seacrest said that there were almost 25,000 submissions, but even this didn't detour me. Now if you follow this blog, you know I am prone to overly-optimistic, sometimes bordering- on-fantasy daydreams. But even my cynical husband kept saying I had a chance. I remember we went out to dinner with some friends and he told them I had submitted a song. Of course, I was mortified! I didn't know them well, and here he was telling them that I had entered a song in the American Idol songwriting contest. All I could think of was that if I possibly lost, they would be in front of their TV laughing and saying "Remember the girl that actually sent in a song?...What a loser!" But actually, they were very nice and encouraging and seemed to appreciate the fact that I had even tried.

The day the top 10 were announced, my heart was beating wildly as I logged on to view the list. When my name wasn't there, I sort of cried. I called my husband, and I still remember he said "I'll bet yours was the 11th song..." Well , that's what husbands are for, right?


So this year, I started on my song early. I will even go so far to say that I pre-wrote my morning blog a couple of mornings so I could dedicate more time to my songwriting. (Sorry, I know that is cheating...but I only give myself so much creative free time...) Since I am betting that the final 4 on Idol will be Adam, Allison, Chris and Danny, I made sure that I could "hear" them all singing the song...Oh well. I won't give away the title, because who knows, maybe they will have another competition next year. Meantime, maybe I will submit the song to Keith Urban or Carrie Underwood or....well, you get the idea. In my optimistic daydream, they pay me a fortune for my song and insist that I appear with them on some award show to sing it. This also leads to the daydream where I get a famous designer to design a fabulous dress for the occasion...black halter with a deep dip in the back...but I have now gone down the crazy road, and need to get to work...

So until tomorrow, when I promise not to pre-write the blog...

Saying Good Bye and Celebrity Apprentice

This morning was drop off for the sixth grade field trip to Savannah. Two luxury buses with restrooms and TVs were loaded with backpacks, lunches and snacks. About 40 sleepy boys and girls climbed on and sat down and tried to pretend not to look for mom or dad. Once spotted, there was a quick, nonchalant wave. I was instructed on the quiet drive to school "don't do anything embarrassing." I wasn't sure what that meant, so I asked "Can I get out of the car?" He answered, "If you want, yes." Ok, I went a little further. "Can I hug you and say 'I love you'?" He nodded quietly, "Sure." Ok. "What might be embarrassing?" "Well, no more talking after that." Ok. I understood.

So I helped him find his bus and pack his lunch and bag. I didn't say anything to him, just smiled. He leaned over and gave me a bear hug and said "I love you." I bit my tongue so I wouldn't cry and nodded. "Me too." He climbed on the bus and took a seat by his friends. I stood a few more minutes and watched him get settled. As I walked back to the car, I glanced over one more time to makes sure he was ok. He was watching me and gave a quick wave. I waved back and ducked back into my car just in time for the tears to come. I figure I did ok. Nothing too embarrassing. I didn't talk and I didn't wait around until the bus pulled away. (I don't get too much credit for that...I had to get home to pick up Gabrielle and bring her back to school.) I have a lump in my throat that refuses to go away. I don't expect it to go away until Wednesday at 4:00 when the bus pulls back into the parking lot. With movies, tours, riverboat cruises, square dances, and sharing a hotel room with buddies, I'm thinking he will be fine...but I need a distraction. So on to something mind-numbing and silly...



Another thrilling episode of Celebrity Apprentice last night. Last week, we watched former NBA player and all-around strange guy Dennis Rodman get fired. Rodman had kind of stayed under the radar for a few weeks, not doing anything impressive, but not being derisive either. The challenge last week was to be the concierge desk for a luxury hotel. This included handling cleaning and room service too. Rodman was picked as team leader and at first, it looked like that even though he is not the brightest of the group, he might be able to pull it off. But unfortunately, due to his drinking problem and laziness, he tanked. The highlight of the episode was Jesse James. When I first tuned in, I knew he was the monster truck guy who was married to Sandra Bullock, and quite honestly, I wondered what she saw in him. But after a few weeks, he has become my favorite. What a nice guy. He was the only one with the guts to address Rodman's drinking problem. Everyone else beat around the bush, but he spoke compassionately and kindly. I think he has been a diamond in the rough the whole time.

Last night, Clint Black and Melissa Rivers were team leaders. They had to produce an internet commercial for All Dishwashing Detergent. Suffice it to say, they were both terrible and ridiculous. But the standout part of the episode was what a controlling, arrogant jerk that Clint Black is. I think there is a good chance that he tanked any career he had after that one. His commercial was not only cheesy and offensive, but it bordered on the ridiculous. If I were his wife (and even the thought of that is scary), I wouldn't speak to him for a month. The other team was not much better, so neither team was a winner last night. Trump said he was going to fire two people, but I had to get Matt packed, so I only saw him fire Tionne Watkins from Melissa's team. She made the tactical error of offering to go back into the boardroom with Melissa "just to support her." She should have known that Trump would view that as weakness. It was kind of a shame because she won as her team's leader last week. But in the end, I don't think she would have won anyway.

I'm hoping Clint Black was the other one to go. If he didn't, the whole thing is a joke.(Ok, I know, it is anyway...). But he literally would not let anyone give an opinion or do anything. I thought Joan Rivers was going to strangle him. She is such a loose cannon, but hey, anyone in their 70's who can still get it done like that, then more power to them.

Anyway, regardless of who stayed or went, we are left with a pretty sorry group on both teams. Herschel Walker and Joan Rivers are probably the front-runners, along with that annoying wrestling lady, Claudia something or other who I would have had to kill by now. And then there is Jesse James, who I am personally rooting for, but is probably too nice to win.



So on with the week. Snow in the forecast, North Carolina vs Michigan state in the NCAA finals...

and until tomorrow, when I will hopefully get rid of this lump in my throat...

Just Shoot Me Now, 'Cause I Watched the After Show, After Show

All day yesterday I tried to rid myself of all memories of the previous night's viewing of The Bachelor. I worked on a very serious article on hearing loss, studied the elements with my with my son for a science test, and helped my little girl complete her state project on North Dakota. The problem is, I was overwhelmed (and this time I mean it) with responses to yesterday's blog on the show. These responses ranged from criticism of the subject matter (have you really sunk to discussing this?) to strong opinion (how could he dump Melissa?) to funny (it's no different than the World Wrestling..all staged).

So last night, I am watching American Idol with Gabrielle, and feeling quite guilt-free, because obviously as a mother, I have to do this. We have our routine. We sit on the brown couch together and she writes down all of the people that she likes so that I can call in after the show. Unfortunately, every single week she mistakenly writes down the text numbers instead of the phone numbers, and as anyone following this blog knows....that makes it impossible for me to vote.

Everything was going well until halfway through Idol, I get an e-mail from an un-named source telling me that there is an "After the Show, After Show" of the Bachelor coming on at 10:00. This throws me a bit, but I quickly pull out my serious reading in order to put it out of my mind. At 10:00, the kids are in bed and Tony is once again pretending to work on his computer, and as I go to put on the Discovery Channel, I casually check ABC and see our good-natured host Chris Harrison describing the "amazing" show coming up where we get to see how Jason and Molly are doing 6 weeks later...and also get to hear who the new Bachelorette will be. I glance at Tony to get his reaction...and he is actually riveted by Chris's remarks, so I lay down the remote and pretend that we will just have it on in the background.

So what we learn is that Jason and Molly are very happy together, though tormented by America's opinions about the way Jason handled the whole thing. Melissa has turned down a chance to once again humiliate herself by coming on to discuss it. Tony is once again strangely obsessed by the black leather dress that Melissa wore in the final show, somehow finding that reason enough for Jason to go with Molly. I myself am secretly thinking that Jason seems like a pretty decent guy and he and Molly seem genuinely happy and I hope they make it. STOP!... This is how they suck you in!... It is a reality show! I need to get out while I still can....however, I do wait until I hear who the next Bachelorette is. Tony thinks it will be the recently-dumped Melissa, but alas no, it is Jillian, an evidently popular yet eliminated lady whom Jason dumped early on. Now Jillian is lovely and articulate and totally willing to own that this is a "strange way to find love". She also vows that there will be no hot tub scenes, thus earning my immediate respect, but also guaranteeing lower male viewership.

Tony is meanwhile making the vulgar gesture he makes when he finds someone to be a little insincere. He asks "You are going to watch the Bachelorette, aren't you?" Well, I don't know yet. I have a couple of months to make up my mind. If I do, I might not admit to it. But in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Tomorrow I promise to return to tales of the Hair Salon. I have a very disturbing story to tell . The adjoining stylist was cutting the hair of a very sweet older gentleman (pushing 70) and she was trying to explain to him how she was going to cut his hair. She told him he looked like some country dude named Wagoner. She turned to me and asked if I knew who she was talking about. Being from Tennessee, I unfortunately knew...and the little old man obviously did too. What I did not pick up on was the steely glare he was giving me in hopes I would not say it out loud...

But that is a story for another day. so until tomorrow...

A Dissertation on the Bachelor (or in the words of Forrest Gump..."I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is".)

Another snow day, no school. I didn't expect this. I even got up and packed book bags and fixed breakfast. Ok, so here we go. I have maybe an hour of good writing time...

I am going to interweave Part 2 from the hair salon with today's subject which has a huge cringe factor. Let me explain. When I sat down in the chair last week, my hair dresser and I (not mentioning her name is out of respect and not fear this time...see previous blog) exchanged hellos and the basic blah, blahs. How are you? What's new? What do you want done? And then we do what we always do...we eavesdrop on the conversations going on around us and discuss whatever sounds interesting. On this particular day, the subject of choice was this year's season of the Bachelor. Now, my hair dresser and I...ok, let's call her Cassidy...we kind of acted above the whole conversation, like, "oh my goodness, You all watch that?" And then as soon as everyone else left our area, we dove in. I admitted that I might have watched the first season, and you know, I think I might have seen the Bachelorette. Cassidy said yeah, she saw those too, and she also might have seen the one with the comedian guy and the football player. Oh yeah, I replied, I might have caught a few episodes of that one, too. Well, 10 minutes later, I think between the two of us, we had covered every season, to our great shame.

After totally dissecting the show and the psychological reason that anyone would voluntarily go on there, we moved to this season. Now, I TRULY have not watched one episode this year, but I kept up with the happenings of bachelor Jason by listening to morning radio on my school drive every Tuesday morning. Jason was the previous bachelor on "The Bachelorette" (the plot thickens) and he was dissed on the finale. The lovely but slightly psycho Deanna, who had been on the PREVIOUS Bachelor, only to be eliminated during the finale, chose some other guy, leaving Jason, who also happens to be a single father, heartbroken and alone.

So this season, Jason, who they claim is "a good guy", romanced and hot-tubbed his way through the season, and it came down to M&M (Molly and Melissa). Now, in the end, he picked Melissa, asked her to marry him, and sent Molly home in tears....Fast-forward to last night, which was 6 weeks later...as Chris, the nice-guy show host said "a truly historical Bachelor"...Jason changed his mind. After spending 6 weeks with the afore-mentioned Melissa, he decided that she was not for him after all, and he was truly in love with Molly. So he brought out Melissa, broke up with her on nationwide television, and then tried to get Molly to take him back.

Now last night, after Jack Bauer had once again saved the world in an hour, I casually flipped over to "The Bachelor...After the Rose" just to see what had happened. I waited for Tony to scream in protest, which he didn't (which meant that he was playing Risk on his computer instead of working, which he often does.) Tony's usual reaction to the Bachelor is "who cares?" or "what a slut". But last night, we both watched in shame while Jason humiliated poor Melissa. Now Tony claims the whole thing was staged, and I have to admit, I'm leaning in that direction too. But nobody on the morning message boards agrees. Everyone seems to think that Jason is now the lowest of low. How dare he admit that he made a mistake? How dare he admit that after only knowing a girl for a few months, most of that time spent on luxury dates and in a hot tub, he just didn't gel with her in real life?

Listen, I don't know Jason, and I agree that it is pretty scummy to play this all out on national television. But don't the girls know it going in? Doesn't it make sense that he falls in love/lust after only a few months, but once they are in the real world with his son, they have to see if it works? I think that was the big elephant in the room last night. He kept saying that "the chemistry changed", but I have a feeling that once the lust had subsided, the dynamic with his son just wasn't right. So now Molly gets her shot. And I have to say from the quick clip they showed of them together with the little boy, she seemed to have more of a "motherly" side. Of course this is a totally unfair assessment based on a two minute clip, so my apologies to Melissa.

Tony's take on all of this? "This guy is such a loser. Cheeseball...What's up with her dress?" I could just tape his comments and replay them every time. I don't think I've ever heard him say "Wow, there's a stand-up guy, and what a lovely girl he's chosen." But that is a subject for another blog...

Ok, kids are up. I still did not finish the hair salon discussion, so tomorrow's installation will be Part 3. And as far as the Bachelor goes, I absolutely promise to NOT watch it next season...