On the Stages of Life....

I haven't written in so long. I think I've almost forgotten how to go about "blogging", but the past week has inspired me to give it a try.

Before I go any further,some of the faux-names in the blog have to be updated. The Husband remains The Husband. The Boy remains the Boy. Big Sis remains Big Sis. But I'm going to re-name the Rebel and Little One. I think they have graduated from their former aliases, so this is as good a time as any to re-name. The Rebel will now be called "New Mom"...pretty self-explanatory. Little One, who just turned 12, will now be known as the Pre-teen. Again, just changing with the times...

A few days ago, New Mom gave birth to my third grandchild. She was scheduled to be induced early in the morning, so the Pre-Teen and I journeyed to the hospital to wait it out. It was an exciting day, with a steady stream of family and friends stopping in to say hello and well-wish. Big Sis was waiting it out at home since she didn't want to subject little Buddha Boy (grandchild 2) to the germy hospital waiting room. New Mom's dad came about mid-day and brought Little Guy (grandchild 1) to wait on the arrival of his baby sister. Turns out he was more excited about playing paper football and constructing a sticker city than the birth of his sister...but when you are 5, you must have your priorities.

Anyway, over the course of 12 hours,I alternated between running back to sit and chat with New Mom when she felt like it, playing with Little Guy, taking the Preteen to the cafeteria for multiple snacks...and just watching as family after family came through, all there to celebrate the addition of a new baby to their family. I felt a bit like I was in the 'Friends' episode where Rachel is in labor, but mother after mother keeps being delivered before her. It was sort of a surreal day, filled with nervous anticipation. We knew that our new addition was to be a girl... a welcome addition after 2 boys. And most who came were focused on this. But for the mother of the New Mom, the day was more about worrying about New Mom. This is what happens I think when you are blessed with grandchildren while you still have young children. You are not able to let go of "mommyness" in exchange for 'grandmomminess". Good or bad, we are all kind of bound to where we are in the cycle of life. I am still in the throes of everyday mommydom. My day is structured around the physical needs of my 2 children at home (3 if you count The Husband) and the emotional needs of my 2 older girls. I am still several years away from what I would call the "check-off point"...or the moment when you realize that your children are self-sufficient, self-sustaining...and not in need of your worry every minute of the day.

This strange mid-stage of life is often a difficult one. While other mothers are lunching and shopping with older children and taking grand kids for overnights...I am still dropping off at school, helping with homework and hosting sleepovers. I feel the constant push and pull of trying to balance out being a mom with all that that entails...yet also being a "Noni", with all that that needs to entail.

The happiest moment of the day for me was not what you would expect. Seeing the newest addition for the first time...our Little Peanut...who is absolutely without a doubt, with apologies to every baby who has come before in my life...THE most beautiful baby I've ever seen...this was a joy and blessing. But to be honest, the most precious moment of the day was seeing New Mom....happy and healthy....

Because you see, no matter how I try, I cannot cross that thresh-hold yet. I saw New Mom's mother-in-law head straight for the Little Peanut, and I smiled because I knew she is there....she has left mommydom and entered grandmommydom.....I still have a ways to go....

So this week, when I journey to see the New Mom and the perfect Peanut, I will try not to wrestle with the fact that I am stuck between 2 stages of life. I will just try and embrace the blessing of being a part of both. In the words of the very wise Big Sis, "It's a compliment to be needed by so many people..."

Until tomorrow....