The Story of the Lady Who was Hushed at the Ball Field

The names in the following story have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent...


Once upon a time, it was a beautiful day at the baseball field. A dad was coaching his son's travel ball team, and all was going well. The son was pitching, the team was playing well and winning. But as was often the case, the dad was being a tad bit hard on the son. Now...it must be said that the dad was a pretty good coach, and besides a little bit of sarcasm which was unnecessary, he was very good with the other players. But if the son messed up, he was likely to hear about it, often in a voice that could be heard 3 fields down...


Anyway, on with our story...There was a runner on first. The son threw a pitch which was hit back to him very hard. He fielded the ball cleanly and turned and fired it to second, in time to get the runner. The boy who hit the ball was very fast, so a double play was never in question. Now, most of the fans were shouting congratulations to the son...but suddenly the dad/coach yelled "Son, you have to be QUICKER with the throw!!!." Well, at least 3 people in the crowd said "Oh no...he made a good play. No way they could have had the guy at first."....Now , the mom, who up to know had been sitting quietly minding her own business, was troubled. She knew that it was normal for the dad to be extra hard on the son...and she knew it was probably wise to stay quiet...but a voice inside her said "speak up". ...So the mom called out quietly to the dad...And in a calm voice which could not be taken for anything but concern, she said "Hey, he did throw it quickly...............". But before she was allowed to finish her thought, the dad shouted out "__________, (insert name of mom)....HUSH!!!". Well, a sudden hush flew over the stands. One of the dad's yelled out "He's a little testy today" in order to allay the total awkwardness of the situation. The mom turned to another mom and said "Did he just tell me to hush?" Whereupon the whole group of mothers burst out laughing. Because of course, none of them had ever heard this comment....at least not since they were 5.....and certainly not from their husbands....Later in the game, another mom attempted to tease the dad/coach about his behavior. His reponse? "Does Bobby Cox's (Atlanta Braves Coach) wife yell out to him?".....................Hmmm. See, now the wife understood...she had not understood that he was a Major League Baseball Coach.......SHE THOUHT IT WAS A 13 YR OLD TRAVEL BALL GAME!!!!!!


Well, hush she did. In fact, she had no conversation with the dad the rest of the game, and from what I hear, she does not plan on having any with him for several days...


So what is the moral of this story?......I'm not sure yet. Somewhere in the ball field etiquette rule book , there must be a rule about spousal disagreement. Something along the lines of "If the dad yells too loudly at the son, the mom is allowed to intervene"....

Until tomorrow...

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On 'No Offense' and Other Sweet Phrases....

I am not a fabulous cook. This is a well-established fact in my family. I am really not even defensive about it. I do the best I can given the little time and lack of talent I posses in this area. Between work, school, sports practices, dance classes...and the fact that The Husband just plain likes to eat out...I think I do ok. I have a few no-fail meals that always make everyone happy, and in the last few years, my holiday meals, taken directly from food Network recipes, have been big hits. Even Big Sis said " I have recently begun to enjoy your meals".....Wow, thanks for that...

Now given this preface, let me also say that the last few years, whenever we go to the beach. I bring some new recipes along and try to be creative. Last year, I made delicious meatball sandwiches for New Years. They were such a big hit that The Husband copied them at Thanksgiving and overshadowed my sub-par turkey. I also tackled a new chicken dish over the summer which met with approval. This trip, I decided to bring along the recipe for Applebee's baby back ribs. The Boy loves these and I thought I would surprise him. The first morning here, I was making a grocery list for The Husband. As I was explaining my list to him, he said..in front of everyone...."No offense Hon, but let's don't get too ambitious". This was of course done with a wink to the SIL, who made a valiant effort not to double over in laughter, but failed. Now here is my problem with that statement:

Never start a sentence with "No Offense, but".......It does not soften the blow one single bit. It only says "Get ready to be insulted." It means that you know what you are about to say is mean, so you are going to make a pathetic attempt to somehow sound like it pains you to have to say it.

Last night during the Oscars, Big Sis and I were discussing the possibility of me dying my hair a shade of red, a la Julianne Moore. Forgetting who she was dealing with, Big Sis said to The Husband "Hey, don't you think mom's hair would be pretty that color of red?" Well come on. We all knew what was coming. He looked up from his computer screen and glanced at the TV and then at me...he then paused and waited for a particular poorly groomed man to appear, and he replied "It would look as good as me doing my hair like that." The he looked at me and said "No offense, Hon".

The Husband uses this phrase often. He feels it allows him to say anything. It is like my mom felt about the phrase "Bless her heart". This was her catch all phrase for "She looks terrible, but I'll just tag on 'bless her heart' so it doesn't sound so mean." The Boy has taken to using it, too. But he uses it a little differently. He tags it on to the end of a disrespectful comment that he feels sure has cost him some bedtime. Something like "That just sucks Mom!....No offense". I blame The Husband for role modeling this behavior.

I believe there are no magic erasers in speech. You can't say something mean and then say "Just kidding". The damage is done. So for the remainder of this trip, we will be eating out. Since I was not allowed to bring a suitcase of clothes, I have nothing appropriate for anything nicer than 'WhatABurger'. This suits The Husband and The Boy just fine....In fact, it may have been the plan....

No offense....