Beginnings and Endings....

A few weeks before my mom died, she took a regemin of steroids to help with some of the side effects of her brain cancer. Somehow, the steroids brought her back to life. She remembered things. She wasn't in pain. She talked and talked...and talked. It was like a miracle, and I was so excited that I remember calling The Husband one afternoon and telling him how great it was. He paused a moment and then said "Don't get overly excited. Just enjoy it. It may not last." I was hoping that this was just The Husband's pessimistic nature. But my oldest brother called and said the same thing. "It's great" he said, "but it's probably temporary." Well, they were both right. Weeks later, mom died. But I will always be grateful for that last dose of "mom".

This is how I feel about the Dog right now. After a week of paralysis at the beach, she got up and walked a few steps when we got home. From the car to the bed. The kids were ecstatic, assured that she was now 'cured". They were upset with me for not sharing their excitement. But I had been there before, and sure enough, yesterday, she refused to eat and could not move. Her breathing has become laboured...all of the signs pointing to the end. I mean, I know the vet was right...15 years for a doberman is a miracle in itself. And she has had a great 15 years. She and I have co-mothered for years. I laugh when I remember how worried I was about getting a doberman. The Husband had been determined to have one (part of his Magnum complex)...but my parents and his parents and myself...we were all terrified that it was not a good dog to have with kids. But we were so wrong. The first night in our house, she went from room to room, checking on everyone, a habit she continued until she could not do it anymore. When the babies cried, she licked their tears. She was never a mother herself, but she helped me. It won't be the same starting the day without her anymore. We have risen before anyone else for many years. Now I will have to face the cats by myself. She and I have a certain disdain for the cats...in fact, I talk to her each morning about how annoying they are.....Anyway....as I prepare to say yet another good-bye, I suppose I will once again tell myself that she will be better off...and she has had a good run...

Yesterday was spent doing all of those chores that one dreads after Christmas....packing away, re-organizing, cleaning. The Husband was at work, and the kids were out playing with friends...so it was the perfect day to accomplish it.

School starts back tomorrow. Back to the routine, but the routine will be a bit different. I think it's good to mix things up a little bit. The kids are both creatures of habit, (Like their mom) so tweaking the routine makes things interesting.

So today, I'll take a few moments and get the resolutions on paper. I like to stare at them and meditate on them. Beginnings and endings, that's what life is all about...

Until tomorrow....