Success is Getting What You Want, Happiness is Wanting What You Get

I watched North Carolina beat Michigan last night in the NCAA championship. I guess beat is really not the right word to describe it. It was really never a game. I was busy writing the first few minutes , and when I finally looked up, North Carolina was up by almost 15 points. It wasn't that they were doing anything out of the ordinary (although the 3 point shots were all falling). They are just a remarkable team. They played just as hard when they were up by 2o as they did at the beginning of the game. Everyone had a job to do and they did it.



I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Someone made a comment to me yesterday about work that goes unnoticed. The counter on my blog page was broken, so instead of being able to track how many readers I've had the last few days, I've just had to write freely and without purpose. As I've said before, viewing the "hits" each day is a bit of an ego boost, but if I pay too much attention to it, then I lose the real intent of the writing. Do I write because I have something to say or only because I want someone to read it? (Kind of like the old adage "If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound if nobody is there to hear it?")



When I write an article for a magazine or paper, the motivation is more complicated. Obviously there is the hope of being compensated. A lot of time and research goes into the articles, and even when I am pleased with the results, it is hard to feel successful unless I get published. It's not that the article is somehow better if someone accepts it, but like anything else, payment, acceptance...or even winning are prime motivators.



Last year during the Presidential campaign, I wrote a short novel entitled "Being Sarah Palin". It followed the life of Sarah Palin from the day she was chosen as a candidate to the day after the election. It was based on exhaustive research. Each day I collected every newspaper or magazine article I could find that wrote about her, and I intertwined the facts with what I imagined to be her reaction to all of it. I wrote for hours every day, and when I finally finished it, I was more proud of it than almost anything I'd ever written. I debated whether to submit it for publication or just go ahead and self-publish it myself ,because I felt like with her rock star status at the time, I was assured of sales. But in the end, I decided to wait. I had written it as a sort of homage to her. I had admired many of her qualities, and I had been appalled at the way the press had treated her. All in all, it was a positive portrayal, but I was also forced to be truthful. I decided to send it to her and hope for some sort of response. Along with the manuscript, I sent a letter asking for her approval to publish. I didn't ask for backing or reference. I just felt that enough had been written at her expense, and from a moral standpoint, I needed a nod of approval.



Needless to say, I heard nothing. I knew there was a good chance that I wouldn't hear anything. I read that her office received over 80,000 pieces of mail following the campaign.. But my naivete allowed me to hope that since I had sent it in by registered mail that I might get a response. I heard recently that she was offered several million dollars to write about her experiences. I knew then that even if she had read it and liked it, chances are that she would not support anything that would compete with her own book.



So I go back to my initial question about work that goes unnoticed. Does it make something better or more important if it gets recognition? Van Gogh didn't sell a painting until after his death. Are his paintings somehow better now than they were the day he painted them? I don't know the answer to that, and I am certainly not comparing myself to van Gogh.



These are obviously the questions of a non-famous writer...the rich, famous and published don't need to ask these existential questions, do they?...



So until tomorrow, when I hope my blog counter will be working again...and hats off to North Carolina, because the key to being a great team is playing hard every game whether you win or lose...